Stephen Colbert’s Latest Rallying Cry: Save the Vegetables

From his fake-but-not-really super-PAC to his slightly more serious campaigns against autism and poverty, Stephen Colbert has never shied away from the political discourse. However, it looks like Colbert has finally found his true legacy with PeTOP (People for the Ethical Treatment of Produce), an organization he's just launched to defend the rights of nearly 75 million tons of fruits and vegetables "abused and killed" by PETA-brainwashed Americans each year. "Can you look into these potatoes' eyes and tell them you don't care," he asks in this online video, as Sarah McLachlan lilts in the background. "Will you break another artichoke's heart?" Touching stuff.

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Contraception Is the Latest Thing That’s Exactly Like 9/11

"I know in your mind you can think of times when America was attacked. One is December 7th, that's Pearl Harbor day.  The other is September 11th, and that's the day of the terrorist attack. I want you to remember August the 1st, 2012, the attack on our religious freedom. That is a day that will live in infamy, along with those other dates." —Pennsylvania Congressman Mike Kelly, on the requirement that health insurers cover contraception, which went into effect today.

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